Need

I don't know where this is coming from, but...I feel so lost right now. So lonely. I want to know that I impact someone. That I matter. Yes, I matter to God, but sometimes I wish he would talk back.
Things just aren't working out.
I think I'm crying out for help. A gesture to not be so...considered an outsider. Or something of the like.
Is it just an off day?
I miss my friends. I'm lonely up here. I'm not sure what I like more: freedom or friends.
Where is my motivation to do homework? It's not around right now because I don't have all that I need. I feel incomplete with my studies.
Wow...I sound so depressed. Because I am. *sighs*
What should I do?
I just want some attention. Is that too much to ask? Apparently.
I'm still somewhat shy.

Jasmine has been perking up on the upside.

And now I'm down again.
I don't want to be another voice lost in the crowd. One that people ignore. When people listen to me in groups and laugh at my jokes or comments, I'm still amazed (and extremely happy).
I feel like I sometimes put on a show for people. Whenever I'm down (like right now) and people come by, I seem to cheer up. I want to make them happy. For them to think I'm a happy person who makes them happy therefore they want to hang out with me more. Am I trying too hard? But that's how I've survived my whole life. Or am I not trying hard enough?
I need help.
I like my old friends. I'm good at making acquaintances, but this...this is difficult. Everyone talks about who they meet and hang out with, well, I have...here I have...I don't have.

Sighs...well...maybe remedy might cheer me up...in an hour...