Poem? WAIT NO! It does not rhyme...?

Can you even hear my heart bouncing with me? A simple cry-out that I want to make my life count, that I fear being left out, forgotten. I speak up for attention, but am rejected, yet you lift me up with the simplest, weakest of compliments. Am I that obsessive and desperate? He's one of the reasons that I am who I am. That some of my tastes are what they are. But I shouldn't change for a guy, no matter how good the changes are. Yet I am incredibly grateful for such changes and I will never be able to thank him without owning up to the fact that I used to be such a little creeper...but weren't we all in 8th grade?
Oddly enough I still can burst with the excitement of a child. I have tons of energy given the right situation.
That name, those eyes lift me higher than the clouds. So near happiness--that which I yearn and strive for--a touch away, but it is a unreality that will never happen. Mainly because of history and a lack of history.
Do you understand?
My face has a warm glow like a new mother. My eyes are excited, wide, and full of wonder, an emotion bursting forth with the intensity of surprise and ecstasy as when you get an A on a difficult test you hadn't studied for. Mixed among other pleasant experiences.
My long forgotten cries rebirth with shame and I sigh, speaking, not in riddles, but what ifs? My childish appreciation has nourished into a full-out heartache that gives me hope for nothing but a glimmer, a wisp, a quick flash like a lightning strike or a shooting star where wishes take flight.
Finally. A connection. Though it remains severed.

Life

Wow!!!! A guy I adore just commented on my status!!!! *surprise, jawdrop* I exist!!

And I just witnessed the...I don't know...something -est commercial ever!! A zebra drank a redbull, then got bloody attacked by an alligator!!!!!!! Then it came out of the water with an alligator skin purse.

Hug Vent

So I find it totally unfair when people lash out and you can't lash back. If I were to lash back--believe it's hard not to--then the person would get angry (resulting with two angry people). But the other party--as in not me--would probably hold a grudge against me for lashing out so I can't retaliate. It's absolutely no frickin' fair! Why am I stuck with being the adult here and brushing this thing that's obviously hurtful aside!? I haven't had to do it for a while, but I am sick of getting criticism like this when I try to do good. My intentions are always good! Either good-sprited or good-humored. I want people to be happy or to laugh. Main goals in life (other than God).

Pizza

I really want some pizza. Pizza Hut pizza to be exact. I'm set on it. For some reason, I'm sick of DS food for the moment...why? No idea...I don't know what I want...

I'm tired...

Need

I don't know where this is coming from, but...I feel so lost right now. So lonely. I want to know that I impact someone. That I matter. Yes, I matter to God, but sometimes I wish he would talk back.
Things just aren't working out.
I think I'm crying out for help. A gesture to not be so...considered an outsider. Or something of the like.
Is it just an off day?
I miss my friends. I'm lonely up here. I'm not sure what I like more: freedom or friends.
Where is my motivation to do homework? It's not around right now because I don't have all that I need. I feel incomplete with my studies.
Wow...I sound so depressed. Because I am. *sighs*
What should I do?
I just want some attention. Is that too much to ask? Apparently.
I'm still somewhat shy.

Jasmine has been perking up on the upside.

And now I'm down again.
I don't want to be another voice lost in the crowd. One that people ignore. When people listen to me in groups and laugh at my jokes or comments, I'm still amazed (and extremely happy).
I feel like I sometimes put on a show for people. Whenever I'm down (like right now) and people come by, I seem to cheer up. I want to make them happy. For them to think I'm a happy person who makes them happy therefore they want to hang out with me more. Am I trying too hard? But that's how I've survived my whole life. Or am I not trying hard enough?
I need help.
I like my old friends. I'm good at making acquaintances, but this...this is difficult. Everyone talks about who they meet and hang out with, well, I have...here I have...I don't have.

Sighs...well...maybe remedy might cheer me up...in an hour...